FeaturedEunuchs for the Kingdom of God

Published on by snlemons Category: Faith

A message delivered at West Richmond Friends Meeting for on July 21, 2024

He said to them, “It was because you were so hard-hearted that Moses allowed you to divorce your wives, but from the beginning it was not so. And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a divorced woman commits adultery.”

The disciples said to him, “If such is the case of a man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” But he said to them, “Not everyone can accept this teaching, but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let anyone accept this who can.”

Matthew 19:8-12

Growing up with parents who divorced when I was very young, the first part of today’s scripture was very familiar to me. In my community, divorce was frowned upon, and this passage was frequently quoted to support that attitude. It felt like there was a perfect mold for life which my family didn’t fit, and we were less worthwhile than others because of it.

But as I examine this passage now, I don’t see a condemnation of families who have experienced divorce. Instead, I see Jesus criticizing the way that marriage and divorce were being wielded in his community to abuse and objectify women in particular. Men at this time had the legal right to divorce a woman, but women had nearly no legal standing to divorce their husbands. Divorced women were often left without property or means to work, and seen as undesirable for future marriages. This meant that men had the power to constrain a woman in a marriage where she was unhappy or mistreated, but on the other hand men could get a divorce and remarry at will, leaving their former wives unable to provide for themselves. As Jesus so often does, he suggests in this passage that those who would follow him should hold themselves to a higher standard that leaves no room to use the laws and social structures to their own advantage over others.

Throughout this entire chapter, in fact, Jesus points out that there is a holiness to those who are outside of or at the lower ends of human social structures and classifications. In the latter part of the passage we read, Jesus holds up eunuchs as an example of a way to escape the abuse of marriage and gender roles. Better to have no standing within the legal systems of marriage and the production of heirs than to risk leveraging your power over another. Next we have the story of children being brought to Jesus, which concludes with him saying that “the Kingdom of Heaven belongs” to ones like these children who would be so quickly dismissed or pushed away. Following that is the rich young man who Jesus instructs to give all he owns to the poor, to escape the trap of hoarding wealth and power. And finally Jesus states that “many who are first will be last, and the last will be first.” In case we missed it the first time, we’re shown again and again that the Kingdom of God is built in large part by stepping outside the hierarchies, binaries, and rankings presented by the world around us.

The holiness and power of existing outside of binaries is borne out in stories about eunuchs throughout the Bible. There are many stories about how those who fall outside the “normal” structure of gender can play a vital role in God’s work. These can be powerful examples of how God’s will is enacted in unexpected ways, often through those who are looked down upon or cast out.

Eunuchs in Ancient Law

Much like trans people today, eunuchs in the ancient world were the subject of significant legal discourse. Deuteronomy 23:1 excludes eunuchs from full participation in temple rituals. But later interpretations, during the Second Temple Period, offered a more nuanced perspective. Rabbis debated categories like “saris adam” (man-made eunuchs) and “saris hamma” (eunuchs of the sun, or those made eunuchs by nature), acknowledging the diversity among eunuchs and allowing for inclusion of some, but not all, eunuchs in temple worship alongside their communities.

God’s Promise Through Isaiah

Even within scripture, there is a move toward inclusion and expansiveness with regard to eunuchs. In Isaiah, the author speaks of God’s blessings, saying:

“Do not let the foreigner joined to the Lord say,

    ‘The Lord will surely separate me from his people’;

and do not let the eunuch say,

    ‘I am just a dry tree.’

For thus says the Lord:

To the eunuchs who keep my sabbaths,

    who choose the things that please me

    and hold fast my covenant,

I will give, in my house and within my walls,

    a monument and a name

    better than sons and daughters;

I will give them an everlasting name

    that shall not be cut off.”

Isaiah 56:3-5

This passage is a powerful expansion of God’s vision for those who were treated as outsiders. It assures us that God’s love extends to everyone, regardless of societal labels or limitations. Our value in God’s eyes is not determined by our gender or ability to procreate. Even those who have been told they can’t contribute to their communities because they are “like a dry tree” are welcome in God’s Kingdom and called to do God’s will.

Eunuchs: Serving God in Unique Ways

Throughout the Bible, we see stories of eunuchs serving God in significant ways. In the story of Esther, two eunuchs helped her to become queen and protect her people. Hegai was in a position of authority over the women of the king’s household and used it to empower Esther, ultimately saving the Jewish people. But Hegai wasn’t the only Eunuch who helped Esther in the story. When she wasn’t able to contact her family directly, Esther asked another eunuch named Hathack to help pass messages. This is how Esther learned of the plot to destroy the Jewish people, and was able to prevent their genocide. In a time and place where women were often ignored or treated as property, these two from their positions outside standard gender roles saw Esther’s potential and helped protect her and her people against violence and oppression.

Similarly, Daniel was brought to Babylon to be trained by the chief eunuch. This chief eunuch allowed exceptions to the rules that were given for exiled boys to allow Daniel to follow Hebrew law and worship God still in that far off place. Some scholars believe Daniel himself may have been made a eunuch. The prophet Isaiah had told King Hezekiah that his descendants would be made eunuchs in Babylon, and Daniel is not reported to have any spouse or children. Whether or not he was made a eunuch, he trained with them and filled similar roles to eunuchs in the king’s court. Despite living in exile from his home and being faced with many challenges, Daniel remained steadfast in his devotion to God. He refused to compromise his beliefs, even when it meant defying cultural norms or risking his position or even his life.  His unwavering faith and exceptional wisdom earned him the respect of the Babylonian kings, Nebuchadnezzar and Darius. This position of influence he earned through his faithful outsider’s perspective allowed Daniel to advocate for the people of Israel, protecting them from persecution and even saving them from mass destruction on multiple occasions.

When the prophet Jeremiah was in his old age and had been imprisoned in a cistern by his detractors, it was the eunuch Ebed-Melech who staged a covert but compassionate rescue. In the story, Ebed-Melech doesn’t just bring ropes to help pull Jeremiah out of the pit he’d been trapped in, he also brings soft cloths and instructs the aging prophet to cushion the ropes with cloth to avoid rope burns. His position as a caretaker and servant provided Ebed-Melech with the will to act and the compassion to ensure that Jeremiah was well cared for even in this urgent situation.

In the book of Acts, one of the first non-Jewish Christians we’re told of is the Ethiopian eunuch who Phillip is called to meet on the road by a leading from God. The eunuch is traveling away from Jerusalem, reading from the book of Isaiah. We’re told he came to Jerusalem to worship there, and there is good reason to believe he may have been turned away from the temple that he traveled so far to worship in. I can hear the echo of rejection when he asks Phillip “What is to prevent me from being baptized?” I’ve asked much the same before: What rule will be cited or what part of who I am will be used to keep me from worshiping God with others? But rather than being rejected, he was miraculously sought out by God through Phillip to be a part of the new creation and a follower of Christ.

Let Anyone Accept This Who Can

So, when I feel discouraged or like I don’t belong in Christian spaces, I remember these eunuchs. They defied societal norms just by existing outside the expected boundaries. But even more than that, they served God faithfully. This is a powerful reminder that God has a place and purpose for all of us, in all our unique ways, even when we don’t fit neatly into the roles and labels assigned to us. Just like these eunuchs, we can dedicate ourselves fully to God’s purposes, even if the world struggles to understand how we could possibly fit into God’s plan. In fact, sometimes, it’s by challenging social hierarchies, legalistic restrictions, and perceived binaries that we most effectively contribute to building the Kingdom of God.

FeaturedI Am Not A Ghost: The Memories Our Bodies Carry

Published on by snlemons Category: Faith

A message delivered at Earlham College Meeting for Worship on August 20, 2023

While they were talking about this, Jesus himself stood among them and
said to them, “Peace be with you.” They were startled and terrified and
thought that they were seeing a ghost. He said to them, “Why are you
frightened, and why do doubts arise in your hearts? Look at my hands and my
feet; see that it is I myself. Touch me and see, for a ghost does not have flesh and
bones as you see that I have.” And when he had said this, he showed them his
hands and his feet. Yet for all their joy they were still disbelieving and
wondering, and he said to them, “Have you anything here to eat?” They gave
him a piece of broiled fish, and he took it and ate in their presence.

Luke 24:36-43, NRSV

If you asked me at 18 years old, I would have gladly lived as a ghost. Around that time, I read a story by Kurt Vonnegut, called Unready to Wear. It was about a future where people learned to leave their bodies, existing only as spirits if they wanted to. There were warehouses of empty bodies that people could jump into and out of at will. I was enthralled with this idea of escaping my body. It would solve so many problems that I had, and erase so much damage that had been done to me. One part of the story bothered me, though. It was completely unthinkable to me, but some people in that story chose not to leave their bodies. What possible benefit could there be to being tied to the same body with all its problems, injuries, and shortcomings for an entire lifetime?

For many of us, there are parts of our bodies’ histories that others would prefer stay hidden, or be erased entirely. Maybe our bodies challenge a norm. Maybe our bodies are a reminder of something others want to deny or forget. And so there are times we hide or deny our bodies just to survive. But sometimes when we show the signs of that history, we are demonstrating that we have power, that we are still standing, that we won’t go away. When Jesus showed his scars to his disciples, he was demonstrating that his presence was not as some abstract spirit disconnected from this world. He was present as a person, fully, with all the scars and history of the life he lived. And that they could be present to each other in the same way. But more than that, him being present with his wounds and scars proved that all the might of the Roman empire and even the grave had no power to destroy him or his people. When we carry our bodies’ histories with us, whether showing them to others or simply holding on to them ourselves, we can do the same. We can show that those who would shame us into hiding, frighten us into fleeing, or even destroy us entirely do not have power over reality. They do not have the power to erase us, or our memories.

The memories we display on our bodies can also show others new possibilities of how they can be in the world. I remember the first time I became aware that trans people could exist as real, living people in the world. I was camping with some friends. There was a trans man who was camping with a group of friends next to my group’s campsite, and he walked around without a shirt, proudly showing his top surgery scars. I can still remember flirting with him across the campfire, excited in a new understanding that my body is not an unchangeable prison I’m trapped in. My body is a part of a conversation about who I am, who I’ve been, and who I can be. When you meet new people, look for what they’re showing you about who they are and where they’ve been. You may not go the same way as them, but you may learn of other ways to be in the world than you ever thought could be possible.

We can also choose memories we want to carry with us, as well. I had a friend named Boo. In our social group I was the organized, serious one, and Boo was the one who was silly and spontaneous; the guy who would get a joke tattoo based on a cartoon we all watched just to make himself and all of us smile. He died suddenly in a car accident, and he took his smile, his jokes, and his tattoos with him. Each of us in that friend group decided to get one of his tattoos, ourselves. So now I carry that goofy clown tattoo and the memory of Boo along with me wherever I go. You may not use ink in your skin, but when you can, select some memories you want to bring along with you in an object, an image, or a habit.

Our bodies are always offering information about what we need, but they can build up new ways to communicate those needs, too. At one job I worked, I built up a stress-related injury in my right shoulder over time that eventually made it so I couldn’t raise my right arm. After several medical treatments and years of physical therapy, I have the abilities back that I lost. But from time to time that shoulder tells me when I need a break, when I need to calm down, and when the situation I’m in is doing me harm and I need to get out as soon as I can. Listen to the messages your body tells you, and try to appreciate those messages even when they’re painful.

There are links between our minds and our bodies that are so strong that when we are in the same physical conditions, we snap right back into a memory or a behavior. For you maybe it’s riding a bike, or playing an instrument, or dancing to a certain song. For me it’s that little bounce that you do when you’re holding a baby in your arms and trying to soothe them to sleep. What these examples show us is that the state of our bodies affects how our minds are working, how our memories are formed and recalled, and how we learn. In your learning spaces and in your communities, be aware of the conditions around you and the impact they’re having on your body. Don’t be afraid to ask for changes to the environment around you, and respect when others tell you how that environment is affecting them.

Our bodies carry memories that predate us. My body carries with it many different histories: English Quakers and Swiss anabaptists imprisoned and cast out for their beliefs, Irish farmers forced out of their homes: even one Irish rebel whose sister broke him out of prison to escape a sentence of death. But it also carries the benefits of settlers moving onto stolen land, the shameful history of owning other people, and the financial gain of grandparents on both sides rewarded for participation in war. Learn these histories that your own body brings into spaces that you occupy. And listen to others about the impacts those histories have on them.

In keeping with the Quaker tradition, I want to share with you some questions that I hope you’ll find useful to consider. And I hope that you’ll speak up and share about them either during this meeting time or in other places after.

-Whose bodies have shown you the ways you could be in the world?

-Which parts of your body’s history do you ignore, deny, or hide?

-Which parts of your body’s history do you embrace or show?

-When you show these memories or when you hide them, who or what does it empower, and who or what does it diminish?

As you think of these questions, as you sit in this space, as you go into the Earlham community, and as you move out into the wider world, I urge you: don’t forget to bring your bodies.

FeaturedUn-Deserving

Published on by snlemons Category: Faith

For we each of us deserve everything, every luxury that was ever piled in the tombs of the dead kings, and we each of us deserve nothing, not a mouthful of bread in hunger. Have we not eaten while another starved? Will you punish us for that? Will you reward us for the virtue of starving while others ate? No man earns punishment, no man earns reward. Free your mind of the idea of deserving, the idea of earning, and you will begin to be able to think.

The Dispossessed by Ursula K. Le Guin

I find myself very often obsessing over the idea of deserving. Everything needs to be earned or owed, and I feel guilty or jealous when the balance doesn’t match my estimations. As a society, we fixate on who deserves what. Do poor people deserve food or luxuries? Do investors deserve returns on their investments? We allow ourselves to be consumed with this, in spite of knowing (whether we admit it or not) that almost none of what we receive or what is done to us has anything to do with what we deserve. I feel I deserve what I have because I worked for it. But does the person who worked twice as hard and got nothing deserve what I have, instead? We get anxious when these ideas of deserving what we have are challenged, as well. Much of what I have in life has more to do with whiteness and other forms of systemic privilege than my own efforts, and it’s been a painful process to recognize that. Whether at a personal or systemic level, even a very simple examination shows us that factors well outside our control determine much of what’s granted to people in the world, and yet we hang on to this metric that continues to fail us. But there is another way.

The beauty of divine love is that it is unconditional and unchanging, and has absolutely nothing at all to do with what we deserve. Nothing we do can reduce it or cancel it out. You can no more affect the amount of God’s love available to you than you can change the temperature outside your house on any given day. You can close all the windows and doors and blow hot or cold air through the house, or do any number of other things to hide from it, but the weather will still be out there the next time you open the door. Even in spite of all these efforts, that weather still has an impact on the indoor temperature. In the same way, we can shut ourselves off from that unconditional divine love and support. We practice ignoring it. We build up systems completely contrary to it in which we can find a measure of our worth over and against others. And we get very good at these things over time. But the doors are still there, even if it takes some struggle and handiwork to get them open again

This source of love is unmarred by any action we can take, and we can return to it no matter how many times we’ve turned away. Denying or hiding from divine love won’t put us forever outside of it or cause some wrathful storm of vengeance. It’s not about coercion or threats. So why should we seek it out? Why dwell in it if we can walk away and still come back?

God’s grace is not to relieve us from some threat if we don’t comply. It is victory over death of our own individual and collective making. It brings us freedom from the harmful habits, anxieties, and various deaths both big and small we fall prey to when we live outside that love. It tells us we are loved and will be cared for, no matter what we have done. Christ gained victory over death, and cleared the path for us to do the same. It’s not only for those who deserve freedom from death. We don’t earn grace like a wage or salary. By accepting the unlimited and unconditional love of God, we move away from the system which only grants us what we deserve, and teaches (and requires) us to afford that same grace to others.

Dwelling in God’s love provides us with a blueprint for a better world. Not only do we find individual freedom, but we can build a new world centered on grace, as well. When we know we all carry that love inside us and live out our lives from that place of love, we help to build the Kingdom of God. We built it here in this world, but not based on the rules of this world. All the blessings of that Kingdom are available to all of us, like God’s love. It doesn’t require us checking others’ time cards to see if they’ve met a quota. It doesn’t require us to determine if someone has the potential to pay back what has been given to them. No person needs to prove their worth, productivity, or ability to be a member of that Kingdom. We can each rest in the knowledge that the fruits of the Kingdom do not belong to us, nor to anyone but God. And that God, working through us, will provide them to all.

There’s a new creation being made, and nothing we can do will change that. The only question is whether we will take part in its work and open ourselves to its rewards, or spend our time arguing and fighting over what we deserve.

A Reflection on Micah 6:8

Published on by snlemons Category: Faith

“Do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God.”

(Micah 6:8)

I was recently asked what it means to live a Quaker lifestyle (which for me is a Christian lifestyle), and I felt a strong pull to reflect on it more than just the casual answer that I could have given. In that reflection, I kept hearing the guidance of Micah over and over again. And each time it came up I asked myself in what ways I was living these words. Here’s an account of some of the things that came to my mind.

Do justice

On the surface, I aim to keep my word and deal fairly with others. This seems just. But that alone doesn’t do justice when I find myself in a world of unjust structures, norms, and habits. I am called to fight for justice on broader levels toward racial justice, prison abolition, and LGBT rights and dignity, among other things. I look for those mindsets in myself and others that reduce the humanity of others or promote inequality and I challenge them. Sometimes this takes the form of going out into the streets to protest the murder of a Black person by police or against an unjust law, and sometimes it means speaking hard truths or taking a stand with a family member or at a committee meeting. Sometimes it means listening and reading about ways that systems of oppression are acted out and reflecting on how I uphold those habits or ideas, even though I’d rather stay comfortable in my ways. There is also further justice to be done when harm occurs. I do justice by working to restore and make whole what is broken when I do harm or harm is done to me.

Love mercy

The clearest and most challenging way I’m called to love mercy is by showing it to others through grace and compassion. This is clear because God’s own words and presence call for it so plainly, but challenging because it’s not a trivial or shallow kind of grace and it’s by far not my first inclination. I have to work against my desires to tally others’ worth by counting what I perceive to be their wrong deeds while still setting boundaries, communicating my own needs, and speaking up for what’s right. It can’t be cheap grace or forced reconciliation that I ask of myself or of others. I have to replace my own desire to be punitive with approaches that are restorative, and I have to work to do the same in the systems around us and what I teach my children. I love mercy by working toward peace, which requires justice, not retribution.

Walk humbly

In Quaker circles, outward humility is an easy path to follow. I can dress simply and do without prestigious titles fairly easily. I can gather up fewer things. I can listen more and speak less. I can even (sometimes) be open to the fact that I may be wrong. But to walk humbly in all ways I need to look for those places where I’m raised up and others are not, and then work to break them down. Apparent humility is not enough in a world that hides so many ways in which some are built up while others are pushed down. I work to live every moment in the knowledge that I don’t earn or deserve anything on my own merit. All I have is a gift from God and God’s people.

With your God

I will admit that simply being with God is sometimes the hardest for me to do. What I was taught about God as a child didn’t make spending time with God seem like a comforting or uplifting thing to do. God made me feel shame, worry for myself, and worry for the eternal welfare of others. And sometimes I’m just not that intellectually certain about what God is or possibly could be. But now when I walk with God and live my daily life with God, I find the presence, comfort, and love are worth any ambiguity or effort.

I walk with God by spending time throughout each day listening for God’s voice and guidance in many places including the words of others and of the Bible. I open myself to feeling God’s loving presence even (especially) when I don’t feel like I deserve love. I practice staying open to that presence for longer times each day and through more settings and circumstances. I remind myself that when I encounter others, I am encountering God.

What would you say a Quaker or Christian lifestyle is like? How are you doing justice, loving mercy, and walking humbly with God?

(Review) How the Body of Christ Talks

Published on by snlemons Category: Reviews

God is a community of persons, a community that is open to humankind in all our woundedness and immaturity, making a space for us to participate in and contribute to the reign of God on earth as it is in heaven.

How the Body of Christ Talks by C. Christopher Smith

In How the Body of Christ Talks, C. Christopher Smith reveals to readers the sacrament and vital function of conversation within Christian communities. He draws upon experience and stories from his own church’s initiation into healthy, deep, faith-based conversation, as well as stories from a variety of other religious communities. Weaved throughout the book is also a passionate vision of the church’s role within its surrounding community. Smith presents an expansive view of the church’s position in the community that is both exciting and challenging.

Smith gives guidance on moving carefully but determinedly from a state where conversation is lacking or too shallow, to gradually approaching more challenging topics and making larger decisions as a healthy body. Far too many churches fall into the traps of sticking to shallow discussions to avoid conflict or limiting what’s permitted in conversation to fit an imposed and often top-down unity. Smith reminds us that while we come together to find common ground and faith, homogeneity leads to brittle social structures that can be restrictive and easily shattered. His examples of the conversations some churches worked through together were difficult at times, as an LGBT person of faith, to read yet more stories of the trouble some have in finding love and acceptance toward people like me. However, Smith clearly expresses the need to prioritize the well-being and wholeness of oppressed and abused people as we engage in these conversations.

As a Quaker, I recognize some of the problems discussed around lack of deep conversations about faith, and I appreciated that Smith draws upon Friends’ communities and practices in parts of his writing. His approaches are not reliant on clergy or church hierarchy, leaving space for a wider range of religious communities to follow his advice. He also shows a deep respect for discernment within a whole community that feels deeply compatible with Quaker process. I believe that following Smith’s advice around conversation, combined with an openness to prophetic witness, could bring a renewed health and vigor to religious bodies of any tradition.

(Review) Quaker Quicks: Telling the Truth About God

Published on by snlemons Category: Reviews

In Quaker Quicks: Telling the Truth About God, Rhiannon Grant presents a case that Quakers must talk more clearly and openly about God and theology, and encourages us to see the ways that we already do. The book gives a clear view of what (liberal) Quakers often do and don’t say about God, as well as what things could be added to the conversation to find unity in our diversity of beliefs. It could serve readers well who are looking for an entry point into Quaker theology, and it has many worthwhile insights for more experienced Quakers, as well.

The book explores the unique theology that Quakers express by pointing out some ways our values show up in conversations about God: value in negation, value in silence, and value in listing possibilities. Grant turns some of the standard Quaker tropes and jokes on their heads as she draws out the theology that we express with statements like “I wouldn’t say that” or “consider that you may be mistaken.” At the same time, she cautions that we may actually have an over-reliance on some of these less explicit conversational tools which can be detrimental to our community and shared story. She also shows sympathy to Quakers who feel hesitant to use more traditional Christian expressions and those who feel that doing so is vital to their religious practice, and presents some methods for bridging these conversational divides.

One thing which I deeply appreciated about this book was the way that it demonstrated how clear talk about theology in Quaker circles can push back on the hyper-individualistic tendencies of our culture. Grant points to ways that we express our openness to individual experience and leading, but reminds us that the essence of Quaker faith is to value and process those experiences in community. She highlights several ways that our universalist tendencies can be life-giving and acknowledges ways which they can be condescending to or exclusive of those who hold more focused beliefs in one definition of God.

This book is an excellent resource for Quakers looking for advice on how to work within the tension that exists in our broad faith community, as well as a tool for clarifying to newer Quakers what all our odd expressions and vague-sounding statements mean. Grant shows a way that we can value silence and be open to many experiences of God, but that we can hold our community together and grow stronger by living out our value of honesty in the ways we speak to each other about those experiences.

With whom are you crucified today?

Published on by snlemons Category: Faith

If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross daily and follow me. For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake will save it.

Luke 9:23-24

There are a variety of calls to be “crucified with Christ,” “take up your cross daily,” and generally to let go of one’s selfishness and obsession with our own concerns throughout the Bible and many other religious traditions. I think, though, that the image of Christ in these particular cases adds a layer that is important but easy to miss: Jesus does not only stand for himself, but for all who are deprived, oppressed, and looked down upon. To be crucified with Christ is not a call to a self-help style letting go of day-to-day anxieties so we can retreat from the realities of society or get back to productive jobs. It is not simply a command to get rid of the negative parts of ourselves to become some abstractly better person. It is a challenge to stand (or fall) in solidarity with those who are cast out by others.

When we consider any statement about Christ to only be about the one person named Jesus in the gospel stories, we imagine a Jesus who would have failed to follow his own instructions. He makes this clear to us time and again, that he is any person among the “least of these.” Jesus is not one man, but all people who are poor and disempowered in the dominant structures of the world. He does not call us to take up our crosses to reach some personally rewarding higher level of consciousness or to take on a purer state that will grant us entry into an afterlife. Jesus instructs us to take up our crosses so we might find our place among and work alongside those already bearing the crosses which were forced upon them.

Furthermore, Jesus did not instruct people to take up their cross as a single action, but to do so daily. It’s an act that he knew we would all be tempted to carry out once in a while when it was suitable. When we put ourselves in a more vulnerable position or respond to the needs of marginalized people over our own once in a while, we feel noble and self-important. We’ve stooped down to the level of another for a moment, knowing full well that soon we can stand up straight again and carry our riches in our pockets rather than a wooden symbol of death upon our backs. We’re called to take up our cross daily because there are always those whose crosses cannot be put down, even when they feel they can’t bear it any longer.

We’re told to carry our own cross, but not where we will find it. This is not a command to wallow in our own self-pity or to sacrifice ourselves meaninglessly to alleviate guilt, but to find the cross which we are led to carry today by the Spirit. For many of us, that may require putting aside some of the comfort and safety we’ve been unfairly granted based on race, class, gender, or other unearned privileges. It means looking for where Christ is in the world today and standing alongside him, her, or them. It means being willing to give all we have to destroy the death-dealing social structures that send some along that path to Calvary so others can walk the road to Rome. Our cross is somewhere today, but the world has built up a myriad of structures to hide it from us. We need to take up our cross, and likely someone else is already carrying it.

(Review) Quaker Quicks: What do Quakers Believe?

Published on by snlemons Category: Reviews

Two things in Quaker Quicks: What do Quakers Believe? that impressed me from the start were the avoidance of Quaker jargon (plain speech for the modern age!), and the focus on the present rather than idealizing the faith and activism of past generations of Quakers. This book provides a clear and concise overview of Quaker beliefs, practices, and organization with a focus on unprogrammed Quakerism. The author’s examples and experience are focused around British Quakers, but much of the book applies to the broader (Liberal) Quaker community. It highlights the way that Quakers value truths that are “opened” to them through direct experience, rather than creeds which others have presented to them.

One weakness this book suffers from at times is the tendency to overly emphasize individual and sometimes consumption-focused actions by Quakers. For instance, the focus on how Quakers live greener personal lifestyles presents a faith that has a footprint only as large as its own members. At times Quakers do fall into the trap of focusing exclusively on personal change, but Quakers often do (and should) work to change the wider world through both witness and action. Hopefully this book encourages people to experience Quaker faith for themselves, and they find it to be a community working toward systemic change.

The book is refreshing in its clear statements about Quaker beliefs, along with the acknowledgment that Quakers do not hold to dogmas or creeds. The blending of description, quotes from various Quakers, and summarizing statements helps the reader get a clear picture of Quaker faith. If you want to learn about how Quakers seek to find truth, live in that truth every day, and transform both their world through conviction rather than condemnation, this book is an excellent starting point.

Does a clear conscience matter?

Published on by snlemons Category: Uncategorized

My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me.

1 Corinthians 4:4

One of the things I’ve always struggled with was whether I was unwittingly awful, sinful, or condemned. It made sense in my Calvinist upbringing. There really was no way to know if I was actually saved or simply deceiving myself. And, well, I turned out queer, trans, and not at all a Calvinist, so… good point, brain. But the mentality sticks with me in all my self-evaluations still. Does it ever really matter how certain I am that I’m on the right track? There’s so much I’ll never know and so many things I could be wrong about.

So, what is a clear conscience worth? Does it heal those wounded by our unwitting or careless harmful actions? Does it correct our misunderstanding or fill in the shadows of ignorance set up by this world of oppression and segregation? Does our good intent and positive feeling about what we’re doing make the world a better place or make us better people? Will clear consciences bring about the Kingdom of God?

Paul’s statement seems to acknowledge that the clear conscience and positive intent doesn’t undo wrongs or sanctify one’s actions or being. But what does it mean that the Lord judges him? I don’t think it means he can throw up his hands and refuse to reflect critically on what right action is or how he’s falling short, because he can never know the mind of God. In fact, he follows up with a whole collection of statements about right and wrong action after and a litany of things that should be judged. Like, a lot.

While Paul and I may land in different places about the judgment of some of those actions, he’s modeling critical reflection for us. It’s not enough to think you’re doing right. It’s not enough to sigh and say God will sort it out in the end. We need to be looking for the things that have been systemically hidden from us, and paying attention to the impacts of our actions. There are times we need to be troubled, and times we need to be comforted, but in all of those times we should be reflecting.

In activist spaces I tend to see an increased focus on impact and action over belief or intent. A focus on belief and intent offers an easy path to a clear conscience. Say the right words, believe the right things, convince yourself you meant well, and you’re on the right side of things. The switch to impact draws our attention to caring for others, and can help us focus on allowing our lives to be transformed by our beliefs. However, our impacts will never be purely positive. We’ll never think through every contingency or prevent every possible harm. Dwelling on all the possible impacts of every little action spins me right back into a Calvinist panic that I may yet be a monster in human skin. And that kind of debilitating anxiety also does nothing to bring about a new world.

There’s personal, emotional value in a clear conscience, and that matters for our health and sustained work. It doesn’t matter more than the well-being of others, and it doesn’t matter more than our pursuit of perfection. But I, at least, need that comfort of a positive self-evaluation from time to time to avoid sinking into panic and overwhelming doubt. Our beliefs, if they are alive and sincere, should be calling us constantly to break through the barriers of racism, sexism, homophobia, classism, and all the ways the negative impacts of our actions on others are hidden from us. A critical, contemplative, but active faith will guide us toward perfection if we let it. When we worry that we may be secretly terrible, it’s important to remember that we are here to seek perfect love and care for all (in spite of the ways our segregated, disconnected lives set us up to fail at this.) And no matter how we are judged by ourselves or others, there is one who will always judge us in love.

A Listening Heart

Published on by snlemons Category: Faith

So give your servant a discerning heart…

1 Kings 3:9

One of the things I’ve found most moving in Quaker worship is the focus on listening. I sit, whether in Meeting for Worship or on my own, and listen for wisdom, comfort, challenges, or whatever may come. It’s not always an easy task. It takes time and effort to discern what’s meaningful and what’s my own wandering thoughts or what I wish I was hearing. It’s helped me personally in a number of ways, but for now I want to focus on listening.

Growing up in a fundamentalist Christian faith, I was often focused to obsessive levels on speaking to God. Begging for certainty that I was saved. Pleading that people I loved who weren’t Christians would be spared from Hell. Asking for God to end the violence that others directed at me or that I directed at myself. All that desperate petitioning naturally led me to worry whether God was listening to me. It didn’t lead me very often to ask if I was listening for God.

The phrase “a listening heart” is one of the translations of what Solomon asked for in the book of Kings, when he asks God for wisdom. When I chose my first name (transgender experiences will be another day’s topic!), I settled on Sofia in part because it means wisdom. I’ve always tried to view it as an aspiration rather than a destination I’ve reached, and I think the idea of a listening heart mirrors that aspiration. It’s wisdom in active form. It needs to be practiced consistently if it’s to be useful. It acknowledges that the source of wisdom is something we have access to, but not something we own.

Solomon was far from perfect at listening throughout his life, and that’s led me to overlook him most of the time. It’s easy for me to write off any given state authority figure as evil and corrupt without much further thought, but I want to hold on to Solomon’s original request as a reminder. Of course power and wealth disconnect us from other people and from God, and I’m not likely to have that problem on quite the same scale as Solomon. My prayers growing up were never for those things, and I’ve moved on from a lot of the beliefs and circumstances that led me to lie awake whole nights dreading and praying and trying to control those particular aspects of human experience. However, I still find myself quite often feeling panicked and desperate for control when things don’t go in the direction I’ve convinced myself is right. Quaker worship gives me a chance to remember that my role is to listen and then to follow the wisdom that’s spoken to me.